Male Survivors
According to the American Medical Association, “the sexual abuse of boys is common, under-reported, and understated.” In fact, one in six men has been directly victimized sexually by the age of 16, with one in four reporting either direct or indirect sexual abuse.
- Boys and men often do not report abuse because premature sexual experience (especially with women) is thought to be “sexual initiation” for boys.
- Being identified as a sexual victim makes many boys question their masculinity and/or sexual orientation.
- Not processing sexual abuse experiences can lead to depression, anxiety, compulsive behavior, and family dysfunction.
The above statement of "The Problem" is taken directly from the Male Survivor brochure.
Of course, different men have had different experiences regarding sexual violation as a child. Some men were violently raped as boys. In fact, some men take issue with the fact that terms other then “rape” are used to describe what was done to them. Other boys may not have experienced as much terror at the time of their violation. For instance, a young child may not think much of the fact that he is masturbating (giving a hand job), or being fondled by an adult in exchange for a trip to the local amusement park. In both cases, however, the aftermath of the child’s experiences can lead to deep issues which negatively affect the victim’s ability to maintain healthy relationships in adulthood. Though there are many similarities among men who have been sexually violated as boys, each person’s set of experiences is ultimately unique unto himself.
Because boys are socialized to think of themselves as independent and strong from a young age, many boys feel personally responsible for their violation. Men who were violated as young boys may actually feel culpable – as if somehow they should have been able to stop the perpetrator. Even if a boy wants a sexual encounter, it is the adult’s responsibility to hold the boundary for the child. If a young child wants to run into a busy street, it is any adult’s responsibility to hold that child back. The same goes for the child who wants a sexual encounter with an adult, which can result in relationship problems and damaged self-esteem later in life.
Not all boys are violated by adults. Sometimes boys are violated by other children, like older siblings or neighborhood children. In these cases the perpetrator(s) may or may not be as personally culpable as the adult perpetrators. However, these factors may not reduce the impact of the violation on the victim. If a man cannot maintain a healthy relationship (say, because of sexual compulsion) he suffers from the violation just the same as if the perpetrator was an adult.
I have come to believe that gay and bisexual children are especially susceptible to being sexually violated. First of all, the concept that a child can be gay is quite foreign to most people. They have no problem imposing heterosexuality on children with suggestive statements like “all the girls like him.” Somehow, though, many people think that homosexuality is reserved for adults. When people don’t exist in the minds of others, there is no protection for them. A gay boy will naturally feel attraction to an adult male. This does not make it acceptable for that adult to take advantage of the boy.
The issues and experiences of childhood sexual violation cover an immense range. That is why each person’s experience of sexual violation is essentially unique. Unfortunately, though, the experience of being sexually violated in childhood is not unique at all. Studies demonstrate that sexual violation is experienced by about 16% - 25% of boys in our society. Many people who work with sexually violated males believe the numbers are much higher. This is supported by new information demonstrating that compulsive sexual offenders sometimes get away with hundreds of violations before being caught – that is, if they are ever caught.
© 2002 Gadi Zohar. All rights reserved.
Yes, male rape victims really do exist. And yes, it happens outside of prison – not that there is anything acceptable about the epidemic of prison rape in our society.
Experiences of male rape in adulthood can take several forms. Men can be forced into sex through coercion, as well as outright violent rape. Just as with women, sometimes men change their mind about sex and their partner does not comply with the change of mind. Men have suffered sexual assault by strangers as well as acquaintances. Moreover, the size of a man may mean very little in the context of his sexual violation. You can be 6’4”, 220 pounds: it doesn’t matter if you’re drugged and tied up, or attacked from behind.
It seems true, however, that most perpetrators of male rape are other men. Manhood is very much defined in our society in terms of power and domination. This need for domination lends itself to the humiliating objectification involved in sexual assault. It is no wonder, therefore, that the power structure inherent in our prison system lends itself to widespread rape – one of the few forms of empowerment experienced by the most disenfranchised people in our society. One may be surprised to learn that our military – with a very similar power structure to prison – is the ground for a great many rapes as well. It is very hard to know exactly how serious the problem is in the military. However, Roger Girard of Pinellas County, Florida has done some very effective work with men who have been raped while serving in the military. He was once a guest on a television program in Tampa, Florida for about 20 minutes. During that 20-minute segment, the television station received some 40 phone calls from men who said they were raped in the military. The point here is not so much to fault our military; rather, the point is that power and domination are the predominant forces behind rape – not lust and sexuality. Therefore a male perpetrator of male rape is not necessarily gay.
© Gadi Zohar. All rights reserved.
Male Survivor
National Organization Against Male Sexual Victimization
P.O. Box #103
5505 Connecticut Avenue NW
Washington, D.C. 20015-2601
www.malesurvivor.orgGadi Zohar
Whole Human Counseling Services
3516 Geary Boulevard, Suite 102
San Francisco, CA 94118
info@wholehuman.com
www.wholehuman.com